World War II Movies Are Fucking Bullshit

There are certain staple characters when it comes to American movies about the Second World War. You know what I mean? Cliches, stereotypes, whatever you want to call them. You’re probably picturing some of these characters right now.

There’s the gruff, cigar chomping sergeant, the skinny religious guy, and the by-the-book lieutenant. Let’s not forget the scoundrel from Brooklyn who likes to crack wise and the soft-spoken Southern boy who’s just there to do his part. These are all classics but there’s another critical character that these movies just can’t resist shoehorning into their screenplays.

“Six time Academy Award Nominee…this tank.”

That right there is the Tiger I (hereinafter referred to just as “Tiger”) heavy tank that was operated by Germany during the Second World War. Even if it’s not immediately recognizable I can almost guarantee that you’ve seen it or its likeness in a movie. And in that movie it was most certainly fighting against American soldiers in France or Belgium or somewhere else in Western Europe.

Oh, you want some examples?

Don’t you fucking worry, I’ve got examples.

First off, we’ve got Saving Private Ryan (1998). A fantastic film by Steven Spielberg, no question about it. What shows up in the final battle amongst the destroyed French town? Not one but two Tiger tanks. You really only need to watch about 30 seconds of this clip.

Bingo! We clearly see our skinny religious guy in the tower tell Tom Hanks (and the wise-cracking scoundrel from Brooklyn) that two Tiger tanks are headed their way. If you’re interested, this clip provides a closer look at the tank itself.

From here we’ll slide into Band of Brothers (2001) where a Tiger lays in wait for a group of British tanks (led by a by-the-book lieutenant) and American paratroopers in a Dutch village.

Moving right along we’ve got our heroes (gruff sergeant included) from Kelly’s Heroes (1970) marching down the streets of a French town towards, you guessed it, a Tiger. Again, I’d say you could watch 30 or so seconds to get the gist of it.

And my final example comes from the more recent Fury (2014) where Brad Pitt and his group (including a skinny and religious Shia LaBeouf) confront a lone Tiger in a muddy German field.

Small aside, of these clips the only one that features an actual Tiger tank was Fury. The rest of the movies used other tanks that were modified to look like Tigers. The writers and directors were so committed to having a Tiger in their movie that they dressed up other perfectly good tanks. Why would they do that? I’ll get to it.

Anyways, this is by no means an extensive list of movies but I figured those four were relatively popular and maybe you’ve seen one or two of them. I’m just trying to get across that American movies about the Second World War love having their guys fight it out with a Tiger.

Okay…what’s your point?

Well if you’ll give me a minute I’ll tell you!

Now, much like one of my previous entry’s about submarine movies leading me astray this one is following the same basic idea. Clearly I watched a lot of war movies as a kid and they played a significant role in how I viewed history. As I got older and wiser I started to question some of these movies and whether or not they were accurate portrayals. This brings us to our topic: Americans hardly ever fought Tiger tanks in Western Europe during the Second World War.

“Are you kidding? Who the fuck cares?! Why do you obsess over these stupid little things?!” – You, probably

First off, you’re not my therapist so please don’t lecture me about my obsessions. And I care, okay? I care for all the kids out there watching horrifically violent war movies (not because of the violence, silly) and assuming that they’re historically accurate when they’re not.

I’m going to admit that this makes my main title 100% clickbait. Obviously not all movies about the Second World War are bullshit. I’m just not creative enough to come up with a proper title for this very specific trope that war films insist on using. The best I could come up with was something like “World War II movies and television shows featuring Americans always portray them fighting against Tiger I tanks in 1944-45 which is not at all true” but that just doesn’t roll off the tongue.

Also, for all you history nerds out there, I’m specifically referring to the Tiger I tank. I’m not talking about Americans fighting against a Tiger II (also called the King Tiger), or the Jagdtiger, or the Sturmtiger.

Or Tigger, whose Nazi affiliations are well documented.

Just get on with it!

How about we cut the attitude, sub-headings? How’s that sound? I’m about to get into it so take a breath.

So, the Tiger was more than a match for pretty much any tank the Allies could throw at it. For instance, the M4 Sherman was, by far, the most common American tank of the war and the Tiger was basically double its size, carried a much larger and powerful gun, and was covered in heavier armour. The Sherman was outclassed in nearly every category.

Good thing size doesn’t matter, right fellas?

With that being said, the Tiger was plagued with mechanical issues, was a bitch to assemble, cost a fortune, and was far from the fastest tank on the battlefield.

On the other hand, the Sherman had a better top speed, the turret traversed much quicker, it was mechanically reliable, and the Americans were able to produce them on a massive scale. About 50,000 Sherman tanks were built during the Second World War making it the most-produced tank in American history. They were involved in nearly every major American battle which explains why they’re featured in so many movies. With Tigers also showing up in all these damn movies then a similar number must have been built, right?

Nope.

A grand total of 1,347 Tiger tanks were completed. This accounts for less than three percent of all German tanks built throughout the war. But surely most of them were sent to fight against American forces in France, Belgium, the Netherlands, or Germany itself?

Nope.

The majority of German units, including heavy tank units, were sent to the Eastern Front to stem the flow of the extremely pissed off and formidable Soviet Union. In fact, by the end of the war, 66% of all German soldiers were fighting in the east while the remainder were spread out over Western Europe, Italy, and Norway/Denmark.

Two heavy tank battalions with Tigers were sent to Normandy following the D-Day invasion on June 6, 1944. However, both of these battalions were engaged against British and Canadian units. In fact, one tank expert claims that American tankers only encountered Tigers three fucking times between D-Day and the end of the war in April 1945.

I have to say that Americans certainly did face Tigers during the North African and Italian campaigns but few (if any) goddamn movies featuring a Tiger take place in either of those locations. Pretty much every piece of media insists on showing Americans encountering Tigers in Western Europe following D-Day.

Every tank a Tiger

If Tigers were so scarce on the battlefield then why are they in so many American movies? Well, I think the answer is threefold. The first is something called “Tigerphobia.” Basically, lots of Allied soldiers, whether it be American, British, Canadian, French, Polish, or whatever, had a tendency to assume that every tank they encountered was a Tiger. The human mind just likes to jump to the worst case scenario and facing a Tiger would certainly make for a bad day. One Soviet soldier summed it up nicely when he said: “When you’re crouched in a slit trench, every tank looks like a Tiger.”

To be fair, historians believe that in most cases the soldiers were mistaking the Tiger for the more common Panzer Mark IV. The Germans built nearly 14,000 of these throughout the war so the chances of encountering one of them was much better than meeting a Tiger. Also, from upwards of a kilometre away it would be incredibly easy to mistake this…

Panzer Mark IV.

For this…

Tiger I.

I’d like to be clear that I’m not taking anything away from soldiers who may have misidentified the giant, armoured behemoth bearing down on them. Being shot at by anything would be fucking terrifying and stressful. I would imagine that getting a good look at what’s shooting at you probably wouldn’t be your main concern at the time.

The second reason? Americans were much more likely to have encountered Tiger II (King Tiger) tanks which may have resulted in further confusion. For example, during the Battle of the Bulge in December 1944, at least 150 Tiger II’s took part and they primarily fought against American soldiers. In most after-action reports, American officers would simply write down something like “engaged Tiger tank” and wouldn’t specify what type of Tiger. Again, not criticizing anyone, I’m just saying it might have contributed to an exaggerated number of Tiger I encounters.

And the final reason I think they’re shown in so many movies? Tigers were the big-baddies and are just plain fucking cool to look at. Simple as that. Directors want their bad guys to stand out and unstoppable German tanks that are nearly impervious to damage make for one hell of a villain. It’s just Hollywood being Hollywood.

Anyways, that’s all I’ve got. Next time you’re watching Saving Private Ryan on AMC you can tell whoever you’re with (probably your cat, loser) that “Ummm the odds of these guys actually fighting that type of Tiger tank is extremely unlikely.” Everyone loves people who says stuff like that.

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