A last stand is a Hail Mary throw that deep down you just know isn’t going to work out. In a military sense, a last stand means that shit has gone south and you’re forced into a defensive position against a strong enemy and overwhelming odds.
There’s nowhere to turn.
There’s nowhere to run.
It’s kill or be killed.
This is some intense shit.
I’m going to tell you right off the hop that none of these have happy endings. The rag-tag group doesn’t prevail over the stronger foe. The underdog doesn’t find a way to overcome the odds. All of these end with the defenders dead-to-the-last-goddamn-soldier.
Plenty of people have heard of the Alamo and the outnumbered (but not 300) Spartans holding off a Persian army. The last stands I’m about to dive into are the ones I’m hoping you haven’t heard of because, you know, that continues to be my whole deal.
A lone Viking
I’m going to start this one with a nice little asterisks by saying that this event allegedly occurred nearly a thousand years ago. I’m not saying that it didn’t happen but we all know how people are, right?
We all exaggerate so people smash that sweet, sweet ‘like’ button.
With that, I just want everyone to bear in mind that humans have been embellishing things since the beginning of forever. So much so that certain people or actions are almost unrecognizable from the actual events that took place. That’s if those events occurred at all.
But let’s move on.
If you are unaware then I’m here to tell you that the year 1066 was kind of a big deal. Over a three week period from September 25-October 14, 1066, the future of the English Isles was forever changed. In that timespan two decisive battles were fought and one of them featured a last stand that (allegedly) puts all last stands to shame.
The Battle of Stamford Bridge was fought in northern England between an English army under King Harold Godwinson and an invading Norwegian army led by King Harald Hardrada. What sparked this conflict you ask? Well, the previous king of England, Edward, died in January 1066 without really clarifying who he wanted to succeed him. This resulted in everyone and their goddamn mother claiming that they were the rightful heir to the throne.
Harold (the brother-in-law of now deceased King Edward) claimed that Edward named him heir to the throne right before he died. Like, literally his dying words.
Convenient, right?
Anyways, Harold gained the support of important nobles and was indeed crowned the new king of England. However, two major players believed they had stronger claims and planned to take the throne by force for themselves. These players were the aforementioned Harald Hardrada and William, Duke of Normandy.
Harald was the first to arrive and landed his army of 7000-9000 Norwegian Vikings on the shores of northern England in late September 1066. Harold had been busy in the south waiting for William to land with an army of his own but raced north to meet Harald.
(Yes, Harald and Harold can be a little confusing but you’ll figure it out)
The Norwegians were caught completely by surprise with the quick arrival of the English army. Those who could fell back across a bridge to form a line on the other side. If the English wanted to finish off Harald then they would need to cross the bridge as well. And here’s where we arrive at our last stand.
It’s said that a lone Viking wielding a large battle axe stood his ground in the middle of the bridge. This choke point became littered with dead as the Viking single-handedly held up the entire English army to gain time for his comrades to prepare their defences. They say he killed as many as forty men before being being speared in the leg by a soldier who swam under the bridge.
But his heroic last stand would not be in vain. The Vikings would regroup and defeat the large English army.
But, no, not really. Remember, I said that none of these have happy endings.
Basically all the Norwegians, Harald included, were brutally killed by the English. Historians now say that this defeat ended the Age of the Viking. Ouch.
Harold, on the other hand, won a decisive victory and secured his place on the English throne for years to come.
Ha! Just kidding. Can you imagine? Nothing is that easy.
In reality, Harold didn’t even have time to change his socks before William, Duke of Normandy, landed an army of his own three days later. He would defeat Harold in dramatic fashion at the Battle of Hastings on October 14 and be crowned the King of England shortly thereafter. He would go on to rule for 21 years.
189 Swiss Guard
In my mind the Swiss are know for two things: chocolate and neutrality.
And watches, I guess.
Actually, those little knives are kind of cool.
And mountains.
Maybe banks too?
Alright fine, the Swiss are known for a lot of things. They’re a complex people with a unique history and I won’t stand here and allow you to paint them broadly with one brush.
Some of you might also be familiar with the Swiss Guard, an elite contingent of soldiers tasked with protecting the Pope in Vatican City. They have been performing this job since 1506 and on May 6, 1527 they certainly earned their pay-check.
Not that they’d ever get a chance to spend it.
So what happened on May 6th? Basically, it was the moment where a simmering threat of violence boiled over into a rage-induced attack on the city of Rome and the Vatican.
At this time the leader of the Holy Roman Empire (modern-day Germany, Switzerland, Holland, Belgium, and parts of other countries) was Charles V. The years leading up to 1527 saw Charles waging wars in Spain, France, and northern Italy. And just in case it isn’t widely known, wars are fucking expensive. This put Charles in a tough spot because large parts of his armies were made up of handy-in-a-pinch-but-not-always-the-most-dependable-mercenaries. Mercenaries are soldiers who fight for whoever pays them rather than political or national allegiance.
Spoiler: Charles hadn’t paid these well-armed, well-trained, pissed off soldiers in a while.
Eventually 20,000 goddamn mercenaries had enough and decided that they’d take their payment by force. Without orders they marched on Rome with plans to loot the wealthy city of its gold, silver, and valuable art. At this point I’ll mention that the bulk of the mercenaries were of the Lutheran and/or Protestant faith whereas Rome and the Vatican within were primarily Catholic. These two don’t exactly have a history getting along.
All that stood in the way of these 20,000 mercenaries were about 5000 local militia (not exactly elite soldiers) and 189 Swiss Guard. Those odds don’t sound too great.
Forty-two of the Swiss Guard split off to whisk Pope Clement out of the city through a secret passage. The remainder planned to hold off the attackers for as long as possible to prevent the complete ransack of the Vatican.
They were successful.
For a bit, anyways.
Sources differ on how many casualties they inflicted before falling but eventually every single defending Swiss Guard was killed. Despite their efforts, Rome and the Vatican were completely looted, ordinary citizens were brutalized in the streets, and nobles were forced to pay hefty ransoms (boo-fucking-who).
Oh, and the Pope was eventually captured and was forced to pay a hefty fee for his release. Relax, he could afford it. But you might be wondering about the forty-two guards who were with him? Don’t you worry, they were also killed to the last man.
During the attack the Swiss Guard was completely annihilated and it wasn’t reformed until 1548.
21 Sikhs
Has anyone in the class ever heard of a heliograph? Anyone? Because before I started looking into this particular last stand I sure hadn’t. Turns out it’s an old school communications device because it turns out shouting really loud and hoping the right person hears you isn’t always dependable.
Basically, a heliograph uses mirrors and the sun to allow two locations to communicate with each other. The sun reflects off the mirror and pivoting the mirror causes flashes that can be seen across long distances. It was a simple but effective form of communication.
Why am I talking about this? Well, it turns out a heliographic communication post in India witnessed one hell of a last stand back in 1897.
At this time the British ruled over India and had been jonesin’ to invade Afghanistan for a while as well. In order to supplement their military forces they trained and equipped local Indian Sikhs to fight alongside them. Many of these Sikhs were used to man forts along the north-western border with modern-day day Pakistan.
Two of these forts (Fort Lockhart and Fort Gulistan) were built in a mountainous region with considerable distance (not to mention a big ass hill) between them. Therefore, in order for them to stay in contact a heliographic post was constructed at a midway point in the small village of Saragarhi which was visible to both forts. The post was constructed on high ground with a blockhouse (basically a tiny fort), walled ramparts, and the signalling tower itself.
Now, this might come as a surprise but some locals weren’t overly thrilled that the British were planning to invade another country. Therefore, a force of somewhere between 10,000-24,000 Orakzai and Afridi tribesman began attacking the two forts before turning their attention to the heliographic post at Saragarhi.
Oh, and the post was manned by a whopping twenty-one Sikh soldiers.
Despite being completely outnumbered and surrounded the Sikhs were determined to fight to the last because surrender is for pussies. The tribesmen’s initial assault was repulsed as the defenders laid down heavy fire from their fortified position. Sepoy Gurmurkh Singh, the heliograph operator, was sending signals to Fort Lockhart throughout the battle requesting reinforcements and ammunition but nothing arrived in time.
Assault after assault was stopped but the numbers were too much and eventually the tribesmen breached the outer walls. The last message sent by Singh stated: “Main gate breached…Down to one…Request permission to dismount and join the fight.”
I mean, come on, if that wasn’t a recorded fact you’d think it was bullshit from a movie. This poor guy spent the entire battle sending signals, watching his pals get shot down one-by-one, and in the end he just wanted the chance to go down swinging.
We’ll never know how Singh faired before becoming the last defender of Saragarhi killed in the battle. It’s estimated that the twenty-one Sikhs killed upwards of 180 attackers. Their determined resistance also delayed the tribesmen so much that the British forts were able to receive enough reinforcements to later defeat them in battle.
It’s about damn time the Brits were given a fighting chance by sacrificing some local natives!
About 500 Samurai
Ever wonder what happened to the samurai? You know the samurai, right? Badass, warrior-based nobility of medieval and early-modern Japan? They carried katana swords and wore dope looking armour?
Ringing any bells? Banging any gongs? Okay, that one is kinda racist.
I had a whole Lego samurai set when I was a kid and I loved them.
So what did happen to the samurai? Did they become obsolete on the battlefield like European knights? Did they adapt to modern times and ditch the armour? Are they still kicking around somewhere in Japan? Am I asking too many questions and you just want me to move on?
Fair enough.
Well, the answer to those questions is actually a little difficult to answer. But the samurai as we know them basically ceased to exist back in 1877. However, let me assure you that these bastards went out in a blaze of goddamn glory.
While Japan began modernizing in the 1860’s (what’s called the Meiji Restoration period) there were many groups, most notably the samurai, who were resistant to these changes. Some were so resistant that they turned to violent, armed rebellion against the new imperial Japanese government to maintain their traditional way of life.
Long story short, a force of approximately 20,000 samurai warriors and artillerymen (these samurai also used some modern firearms) rose against the government in January 1877. The force was led by the highly respected general Saigo Takamori who later become known as “the last true samurai in Japanese history.”
Throughout 1877, Takamori and his men engaged in several battles against imperial forces but were slowly pushed back while suffering heavy loses. By late September the samurai force had been reduced to approximately 500 warriors while the government forces numbered 30,000 and were supported by several naval warships.
Eventually Takamori and his remaining men found themselves completely surrounded and out of ammunition on a hill called Shiroyama above the city of Kagoshima. The imperial leaders demanded that Takamori surrender but giving up isn’t exactly how these guys like to handle things. Instead, under heavy fire, the samurai drew their swords and fucking charged down the hill.
It was a bold strategy but the majority of the imperial army weren’t trained for close combat and as a result the battle-hardened samurai actually caused their lines to buckle. However, overwhelming fire forced the surviving samurai back once again. With Takamori severely wounded and later dead (his best buddy cut his head off…but in a good way?) the remaining forty men formed up for one final suicidal charge against the imperial lines and were killed to the last.
And that’s all I’ve got for you last stand-wise.
It’s interesting though. While researching these events it got me wondering how many last stands there have been that no one will ever learn about. A handful of soldiers holding off an enemy to allow their pals to escape or just average people fighting for their homes and families. These must have happened countless times throughout history but since it didn’t happen during some climactic event no one bothered to write it down. Those are stories we’ll never hear and are lost forever.
Kinda makes me sad.
…
Anyways, bye.
Based in the basement 
